hiking – Walking with Rachel Carson’s Letters

We did it!

We completed the Homestead Challenge 🙂

It was 17.8 miles, with an elevation gain of 4,500 feet. My ankle held up well and I was able to run quite a bit, so the time cutoff turned out to be a non-issue.

But I already want to go back next year and try for faster 🙂 I had a blast. The time on the trails was so fun! And it was a beautiful day.

As much as I enjoyed the woods and sense of community in the moment, hiking for over six hours also left me with lots of space to think.

I thought about the hard personal stuff from the last few years. The turn to more hiking and less running while trying to conceive, the lost pregnancies, my employer’s selection of a completely heterosexist insurance policy, all the money spent on fertility treatments not covered by that policy, the failed IVF cycles, the grief of not giving our child a sibling like we’d wanted, the ankle injury, the months of not running at all and doing physical therapy. While none of these personal losses compare to the social and political horrors of the last few years, what I was thinking about on the Rachel Carson Trail Saturday was all I had survived in finally getting to the starting line that day.

I thought also about what helped me get there. The friends who trained with me, the family and friends cheering me on virtually, the family in Pittsburgh who hosted me (and made a Buckeye pie that awaited my return!). I thought of my job–pretty much a dream job–where I’ve just earned tenure and get to start writing a book that charts queer paths through Rachel Carson’s letters, archives, and memorials. I thought about our amazing little one, truly the dimpled laughing light of my life, and my amazing spouse, who watched him not only this weekend but during of all my long training hikes and runs.

What a wild adventure this life is, and I’m here for it. All of it.

Congrats banner made by my niece and nephew ❤

A word of goodbye

Darling [Dorothy],
I have been coming to the realization that suddenly there might be no chance to speak to you again and it seems I must leave a word of goodbye…
Never forget, dear one, how deeply I have loved you all these years.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, January 24 & April 30, 1963

As Dorothy’s granddaughter Martha Freeman recounts in her editorial notes, Rachel passed away on April 11, 1964. Her last extant letter to Dorothy consisted of a series of entries that “was delivered posthumously as the envelope containing it had directed in RC’s script: ‘For Dorothy Freeman.'” Rachel left this “word of goodbye,” just as Dorothy had begun their relationship in 1952, in epistolary form.

I’m thinking of goodbyes not only as I finish reading Rachel and Dorothy’s published correspondence, but also with the Homestead Challenge quickly approaching. My training is wrapping up. Last week I got my long run up to 10 miles. And this week I completed my final long hike, 16.8 miles with my friends Lib and Hil on the Mid State, Ironstone, and Lake Trail.

I’m feeling confident that, as long as I don’t twist my ankle, I’ll be able to complete the Homestead Challenge. Mostly I’m feeling super grateful for the friends who have shared miles with me these past few months–Lib and Hil, as well as Josh. Thank you for helping to make Central PA such a beautiful place to walk and write, my friends <3.

I plan to post a recap after the Challenge, but mostly I am turning my energies away from this blog as I shift to working on a book-length project about Rachel’s letters and archives. So goodbye soon!

Walking in the woods

Darling, I love you. The wind, the sea, the woods, our favorite spots, even the moon compounded to bring you very close this afternoon. You walked with me in the woods. And I thought of what you would have said if you were there.
Dorothy Freeman, in a letter to Rachel Carson, December 23, 1960

With the spring semester’s grades turned in, the second book manuscript off my desk and in editorial hands, and, dare I say it, tenure earned and now officially granted, I enjoyed not one but two walks in the woods last week. (Though not with my own darling there, alas.)

Both walks were high points in their own ways.

On Wednesday, my friend and colleague Josh and I started our usual weekly writing session with a wildflower walk in the woods. We took a side trail off the lower portion of Musser Gap, where he’d seen wildflowers the week before. We saw Mayapple, Fringed Polygala and Rue Anemone now in bloom, and Coltsfoot gone to seed. Plus a cute little snail.

Small purple flower, a fringed polygala — Fringed Polygala

Then we parked our butts and wrote. It was a perfect writing day.

On Friday, I hiked with my friend and colleague Lib, who is also training for the Homestead Challenge on the Rachel Carson Trail. We did our longest training hike thus far, 13.4 miles!

Sign along hiking trail in the woods that says "view" — View from the Midstate Trail

View of trees, from a rocky bluff on top of a smallish mountain — View from the Midstate Trail

We climbed up Spruce Gap, walked on the Midstate Trail, and then passed through Bear Meadows in order to take Longberger back. By hike’s end, I felt confident I can cover the 17 miles during the Homestead Challenge, though managing the prescribed pace with the Rachel Carson’s elevation is going to be challenging indeed.

M, 5/9	Ran & walked 4 miles on paved paths
Tu, 5/10	Ran & walked 4 miles on paved paths
W, 5/11	Hiked 2 miles
Th, 5/12	Ran 3.4 miles on paved paths
F, 5/13	Hiked 13.4 miles (1,773 ft. ascent)
Weekly total on foot	26.8 miles

Weekly training log

Reverence for life

We must talk about [Albert Schweitzer] sometime. I think he is an extremely significant figure–his Reverence-for-Life philosophy is of course somewhat like my own.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, November 13, 1954

After mentioning Albert Schweitzer‘s “Reverence-for-Life philosophy” in a romantic letter to Dorothy Freeman, Rachel Carson went on to earn the Schweitzer Medal of the Animal Welfare Institute for Silent Spring. She had dedicated the book to him.

In her acceptance speech for the award, as recounted by Maria Popova, Carson offered her own understanding of the Reverence-for-Life philosophy. “We [humans] are not being truly civilized if we concern ourselves only with the relation of man to man,” Carson said. “What is important is the relation of man to all life…By acquiescing in needless destruction and suffering, our stature as human beings is diminished.”

The suffering Carson referenced here was “against the natural world.” In her and Schweitzer’s view, a Reverence-for-Life philosophy was about revering all living beings, both human and not, as well as all human life. (Schweitzer enacted the latter ethic quite imperfectly, especially where racism was concerned.)

Having read Popova’s references to Carson and Schweitzer’s ethical philosophies just last week, I couldn’t help but think of them as news broke about the leaked Supreme Court draft opinion to overturn Roe v. Wade. I’m no expert on the history of abortion or, more importantly, reproductive justice writ large. But I can’t stop thinking…

What if the so-called “pro-life” people and movements who have devoted millions of hours and millions of dollars, who have taken lives in the name of their cause, actually redirected this energy to an all-encompassing reverence for life?

For the lives of African Americans of all genders who are disproportionately killed by police in this country? Or the use of police force and violence against autistic people? For the butterflies and insects that can only live if their host plants are not killed off by pesticides? For the people who sacrifice their savings accounts and mental health in pursuit of fertility treatments only to find out they can’t create a child? Or who don’t have the means to even try these treatments? For the children in foster care or institutions with no forever families stepping up to care? Or the adults suffering with active addiction who are incarcerated but not offered the treatment, recovery, and/or harm reduction options they need? For people detained at borders, in detention centers without trial? For people being subject to war and rape?

This isn’t a “pity list” (nor a complete one). This is life. Messy, imperfect, precious life. I know I’m not the first or last to say this. But I wish people so worked up about abortion–which takes many forms and is needed for many reasons–would redirect their energies to something more like a reverence for all life.

I’ll keep thinking about my own part in doing so as I keep walking with Carson’s letters.

My miles on foot this week were adapted to fit family life–some run/walks with my spouse, who had a single week off from class, and our weekend Mother’s Day hike with the two-year-old.

He walked to the first stream at Musser Gap, but getting him back to the car required carrying him. I might look into getting another pack after all. Though ours broke last spring, and I’d thought he was getting too heavy for one, it may be the best bet if I am carrying him anyways 🙂

M, 5/2	Ran/walked intervals for 4.1 miles w/ spouse
Tu, 5/3	Ran/walked intervals for 4.1 miles w/ spouse
Th, 5/5	Biked 6.1 miles
F, 5/6	Ran 8 miles on paved paths in the pouring rain
Su, 5/8	Hiked ~1.2 miles w/ the little one
Weekly total on foot	17.4 miles

Weekly training log

Such queer weather

So our Wild Winds brought you snow! Such queer weather. I really should keep a diary as you do and it’s odd that, as a writer, I don’t seem able to stick to such a project…This is a silly note, but if it takes you my love by Saturday that is really its purpose.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, April 11, 1957

The “queer weather” Rachel and Dorothy wrote about in April of 1957 included “Wild Winds” that “brought…snow.” The weather here has been “wild” this year too.

Two weekends ago, it hailed during the hike with my friend Liz. Last weekend, driving back from Pittsburgh after my hike on the Rachel Carson Trail, there was a winter weather advisory followed by snow that stayed on the ground overnight. The white hyacinth that had just bloomed was covered in snow. (It survived, and there are now more!)

Then, during this weekend’s hike, the temperature was in the 80’s! I wore a hat and long sleeves, but foolishly thought I’d be in the woods enough to not need sunscreen. My neck is sunburned.

Sunburn aside, it was a great hike!

My friends Lib, Hil, and I–aka “long leggers” and “little legs”–did 11.1 miles. They’re also training for the Homestead Challenge on the Rachel Carson Trail.

On our way up Musser Gap, we saw these sweet little purple flowers.

At Hubler Gap Vista, we turned onto the Mid State Trail.

We took Mid State all the way to the Sand Spring Trail. After that, there were too many turns for me to keep track of. If it weren’t for Lib’s navigation app and skills, I would have gotten lost.

Signage at the intersection of Mid State and Sand Spring.

Along the way, we saw a snake in a tree, two kinds of salamanders, and a bunch of what I think were tadpoles.

Leading up to this week’s hike, I’ve been reading a collection of essays celebrating Carson’s Courage for the Earth. Not a single essay acknowledges the importance of Rachel’s relationship to Dorothy during the period when Carson wrote The Silent Spring. While Terry Tempest Williams recognizes Dorothy as Rachel’s “dear soulmate,” and Robert Michael Pyle mentions Always, Rachel, most others quote letters that are described simply as “to a friend” or “dear friend.”

Though I imagine most hikers on the Rachel Carson Trail have heard of The Silent Spring, how many are aware of Rachel’s relationship with Dorothy? And, more importantly to my mind, how many realize what a crucial source of support that intimate relationship and correspondence was to Rachel’s public-facing work as a writer?

Here’s my training log for the week, another kind of “diary” filled with the comfort and clarify of numbers.

Tu, 4/19	Ran 4 miles, on a mix of trails & paved paths
Th, 4/21	Ran 5 miles, on paved paths, pushing the pace Strength training for ankles
Su, 4/24	Hiked 11.1 miles (2,033 ft. ascent)
Total for the week	20.1 miles

Training log for this week.

White hyacinths

So put the flowers where you can see them often, dear one, and let them tell you how much I love you, and how your love provides “food for my soul”–as it has ever since those first magical days when I came to know you.
I do trust the florists have carried out their mission acceptably. I stressed that there could be no substitution–that if no white hyacinths were available they must wait until they were.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, February 6, 1959

I’ve written about Rachel and Dorothy’s 1954 “hyacinth letter” before. What I want to share today is that my own white hyacinths, planted in celebration of the women’s intimate relationship, bloomed for the first time on Saturday.

A white hyacinth, blooming in my front yard on April 16

I’m also excited to share that I finally hiked again on the Rachel Carson Trail, during one of this year’s planned training hikes. In wooded sections, the trail was lined with dainty spring flowers.

Spring flowers along the Rachel Carson Trail on April 17

The trail itself was rugged. I had remembered from a few years back that I needed to scramble on all fours up a few hills. But I’d conveniently forgotten how muddy the trail can get in some spots.

A climb up ahead, and some muddy conditions, on the Rachel Carson Trail

Regardless, I can only describe the feeling of being on that trail as pure joy. I hope to make it back soon, before the Homestead Challenge. And regardless, I’ll keep tending to the flowers in my own yard in the meantime.

Tu, 4/12	Ran 2.1 miles on sidewalks
W, 4/13	Ran 5.2 miles on sidewalks with a friend, at a faster clip Did strength training for ankle
F, 4/15	Ran 4 miles on a mix of sidewalks & trails Did strength training for ankle
Su, 4/17	Hiked 7.3 miles on the Rachel Carson Trail (1,250 ft. ascent)
Weekly total on foot	18.6 miles

This week’s training log

Close as Norfolk

A night of wild wind–that brought tornadoes to the Carolinas and even as close as Norfolk–brought thoughts of Carol and Edna. Really, some of the gusts seemed almost as bad. I’ve been wondering what you had today.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, April 9, 1857

No tornadoes, but my April 9 hike did bring some wild spring hail and the gift of a friend’s visit from Norfolk.

Liz and I met in Norfolk, when we were both new faculty at Old Dominion University (she’s now Chair of the Women’s Studies Department). She visited State College for the weekend, and yesterday we hiked short out-and-backs from the Galbraith Gap to the Longberger Path, Spruce Gap Trail, and Three Bridges Trail in Rothrock.

Unidentified life, growing on the forest floor

We saw moss and fungi I don’t know how to identify. The skies were mostly grey, with some glimmers of sunshine. And somewhat to our surprise, there were two rounds of hail.

Above I’ve quoted Rachel’s observations to Dorothy about the weather–and, mostly, I enjoyed the reference to Norfolk. In that same letter, Rachel wrote of being “very far behind” in her “responses” to Dorothy’s correspondence. I am feeling very far behind in my training.

Our toddler has another double ear infection and was home from school again a couple days this week, which meant less time for training for me. I keep going, though, and surely the toddler sick season–like the hail–has to end soon. (Right?!?)

T, 4/4	Biked 3.3 miles
W, 4/5	Ran 5 miles, on sidewalks
Sa, 4/9	Hiked 4.2 miles (982 ft. ascent)
Su, 4/10	Ran 4 miles, on sidewalks Walked 1.1, with stroller Strength training for ankle
Weekly total on foot	14.3 miles

Routine

And I, on my part, am coming to have a new feeling about my ability to carry on my work–a routine is being established that does give me hours of uninterrupted time, and it’s a good feeling. I want to get to the study and begin the minute breakfast is over.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, April 2, 1958

While Rachel Carson’s April 2 letter reported on her emerging “routine” for the post-breakfast “work” of writing, the letter began with a departure from her routine wake up. “You can thank Jeffie for this,” Rachel told Dorothy Freemen, because the cat had interrupted Rachel’s sleep.

Rachel returned to “bed with coffee,” and “decided to write…until time to get up.” By letter’s closing, I learn that “time to get up” means time to take care of Roger, her adopted nephew. Like many women, Rachel got up early–even sneaking in a letter to her “dearest love” before Roger was awake–but it was only after the child had left for school that she had time for her work.

View from the bridge at the largest stream crossing on Musser Gap.

My own morning writing routine is both well “established” and utterly dependent on the labor of childcare providers. My hiking, by contrast, is not yet routine. Training has been anything but expected the last couple weeks.

Last week I had rearranged my work schedule to fit in a hike Friday morning because we planned to travel for the weekend. But then the little one was sent home from school Thursday and diagnosed with a double ear infection Friday. With no school/daycare, I just barely kept up with work and certainly didn’t manage to hike.

For this week, my April 2 hike, I had planned on 9 miles but just barely managed 7. I wanted to take Musser Gap all the way up to the Mid State Trail, but once I reached the unpopulated part of the trails, I started to get spooked with fear about encountering a black bear alone. (One was caught on camera across the street from our house this week, and that’s more than 2 miles from the edge of the woods I was hiking in.)

View through the trees during one of my “side loops” off Musser Gap.

So instead of continuing up, I headed back down. Then I did a few sides loops, and even hiked all the way back to the parking lot and back up again. Still, I was at 7 miles only, and I felt done for the day. The upside to all the back and forth is that I more than doubled my ascent from the last hike.

Elevation during Saturday’s hike, 1,742 ft ascent.

T, 3/22	Biked 6.3 miles
W, 3/23	Ran 3.1 miles, treadmill
Th, 3/24	Biked 6.4 miles
Weekly total on foot	3.1 miles
T, 3/29	Walked .7 miles, sidewalks
W, 3/30	Ran 4 miles, mix of trails & sidewalks Strength training for ankle
Th, 3/31	Walked 1.3 miles, sidewalks
F, 4/1	Ran 3.7 miles, sidewalks Strength training for ankle
Sa, 4/2	Hiked 7 miles (1,742 ft ascent)
Su, 4/3	Strength training for ankle
Weekly total on foot	16.7 miles

Training for the last two weeks.

3/20 Run to Remember

So, I want to tell you, dearest, that you couldn’t possibly come too soon! I need you more than you know or can imagine, I’m sure.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, March 20, 1955

On 3/20 in 1955, Rachel Carson’s letter to Dorothy Freeman began with a characteristic statement of longing. As the women planned the next time they would see each other in person, Rachel urged that it “couldn’t possibly come too soon!” Rachel expressed, as she did over and over throughout the women’s twelve-year correspondence, a “need” for Dorothy.

On 3/20 in 2019, Osaze Osagie was shot and killed by a white State College police officer. Osagie, only 29 years old when we was killed, was a Black man with “autism and a history of schizophrenia.” He was killed during “a mental health call.”

The 3/20 Coalition was formed in response.

The 3-20 Coalition is an action-oriented alliance between a diverse group of people and organizations committed to working collectively toward social and racial justice in the State College community. The alliance was created in the wake of the brutal police shooting of Osaze Osagie, to advocate on his behalf and on the behalf of his family. The continuous mission is to seek justice and change the local, state, and national structures that contributed to his death, in alignment with the broader movements for Black lives and for equity in mental health and neurodiversity understanding and support
Mission and Goals, 3-20 Coalition

Today, on 3/20 in 2022, the 3-20 Coalition held a series of community events that included “A Run to Remember,” “to honor Osaze’s memory.”

Osaze 2022: Run to Remember flyer posted to Instagram by 3_20coalition

My family and some of our friends participated in the event. In this picture from The Daily Collegian, my kiddo is the one sitting in the jog stroller, holding an umbrella.

Photograph before Run to Remember in honor of Osaze Osagie, by Regan Gross for The Daily Collegian — Photograph before Run to Remember in honor of Osaze Osagie, by Regan Gross for *The Daily Collegian*

Afterwards, I also did a hike with a friend on Tussey Mountain, still in my “I am 3/20 ” t-shirt from the run.

M, 3/14	Walked 2 miles on the treadmill
Tu, 3/15	Biked 6.5 miles Strength training for ankle
W, 3/16	Ran 4 miles on sidewalks
Th, 3/17	Walked 1.7 miles
F, 3/18	Ran 4 miles on a mix of sidewalks & trails
Su, 3/20	Ran/walked 3.2 miles pushing jog stroller as part of Run to Remember Hiked 5.6 miles (700 ft ascent) Strength training for ankle
20.5	Total weekly mileage on foot

Third time’s a charm?

Another “first” yesterday morning–the first robin song of the year, and Saturday we had 2 fox sparrows scratching the ground under the feeder.
Rachel Carson, in a letter to Dorothy Freeman, March 13, 1961

The first time I had started training for the Homestead Challenge on the Rachel Carson trail, I got pregnant and stopped. Then I lost the pregnancy.

The second time, when I started this blog, I trained to the point that I was nearly ready, but then I decided to do IVF and stopped. The IVF didn’t work.

Now here I go again. This fall I fell while trail running and injured my ankle. So I make no assumptions about what my active but aging mom body will do this spring while training and parenting and writing and teaching and…

I am going to try.

This week, during what was spring break for me, I received word that I “got in” in terms of registering for the challenge. I also got out on the trails, starting with a non-technical and relatively flat hike.

My friend/colleague/walking partner Josh got the better picture. It snowed yesterday, but spring is definitely on her way.

Screenshot of Instagram post. Picture of snowy trail, trees, a river.

It was on this day in 1961 that Rachel Carson wrote the above letter to Dorothy Freeman, reporting on “the first robin song of the year.” Robins have been in Central Pennsylvania for a bit now, though I didn’t make note of the day I first saw them this spring.

T, 3/8	Ran 4 miles on trails Strength training for ankle
W, 3/9	Strength training for ankle
Th, 3/10	Ran 3.5 miles on sidewalks
Su, 3/13	Hiked 7.2 miles (309 ft ascent) Strength training for ankle